I was supposed to be somewhere today and I’m not and that makes me a little melancholy.

I’m not going to go into details with you today, maybe some day, just not today, still too raw. I will take some blame for my part in why I am not where I am supposed to be, but it is a situation that could have been avoided with different actions taken, which I would have accepted, but this is not the way it went and as a result, I am not where I am supposed to be.

I am feeling a lot of emotions, DLP would say I am in my feelings, which I would have to agree with. And PSM, love him, says it’s ok for me to be feeling this way. For that, I thank him, if I was completely in the wrong I know he would tell me, no matter what.

2020 was tough in different ways for so many people and for us, we managed, we were looking forward to the end of the year, 2021 was on the horizon and good things were coming our way, well, at least we hoped, at least better, if not good or even great. Something happened in the middle of December and that was all she wrote.

Because of what happened in December, I’m not where I should have been today, and I am feeling it. I was disappointed by what happened and the way it played out, and the worst part is there was nothing I could actually do about it. The cards were laid out on the table and in the end, I lost. Yes, I know it sounds like a big ‘ole pity party and for that, well…I was about to apologize, but why should I? I am feeling sad, and low, and disappointed, and a little lost. You can’t tell me I’m wrong for feeling that way, it’s how I feel.

It happened a few weeks ago and I began to pick up the pieces and move forward, PSM said I was going through the stages, and he’s right, it was a loss. He did everything he could to help, as much as he could, unfortunately, he’s can’t fix it, but he helped to make me feel better, so did my family. I was doing alright and then I realized what date it was when I woke up this morning and it was like I got smacked in the face all over again, so…I am having one of those days, kind of out of it, doing what I can, but the melancholy set in.

Tomorrow is a new day, so they say. I am going to have my moment, or moments, and then tomorrow, pick myself back up, dust off the dirt and move forward.